Sometimes when I reread my blog posts I do after this sort of shit has happened to me I get scared. They're so short and half of what's in them doesn't make sense. Sometimes I worry it's effecting me and I don't even realize it. People who are being hollowed out realize it, but only until it's too late and by then not much of them is left. How would you know if you were being taken over? How would you know if you were going crazy? Sometimes I'm scared that 1 day every entry in this blog will be that short, or codes, or worse yet no entries at all. I need to keep myself thinking straight and keep my mind mine.
But I guess going to Florida will make anybody feel like that, even if they're not be followed by Him.
It's weird but right after I did the entry about not wanting to infect anybody I got a letter in my P.O. Box from somebody. I check my P.O. Box every day just in case, but usually there's nothing in it. I mostly got it so that I got order stuff (when my card still worked), or so that people who were close by or had to move could get in contact with me. Since I got the 1 in New York I haven't given out the address to anybody so I really haven't gotten any mail in there. Somehow somebody got it though and had mailed me something. It was a pretty thick envelope, even though there wasn't much in it. It was beaten up and the corner's were almost black. Since I've had it it fell apart in my pocket. In it was this:
Somebody's a Hole fan.
I was always more into Nirvana myself.
Other then that there was another piece of paper with a place and a date. It was signed Daphne Shawlts. I wasn't really sure what to do at 1st. After I got it I sat and thought about what I should do for a while. It might have been some crazy trying to contact me, or somebody just trying to lure me into a trap or thinking this was a game. But then it could have also been somebody who needed help, and the idea of leaving them high and dry didn't really sounds great to me. I realized I would have to go out there.
Because I needed to see why they contacted me and how they got my P.O. Box.
And because Tim was my brother.
The address she sent was in Kissimmee so I stayed around there until it was the time that was on the piece of paper. After that I went to the location and waited a few hours. She never showed up. I'm a little more then worried about this, and like I said if anybody has any information on this tell me, but I'd like to think I just missed her or she couldn't make it there for some reason. I was pretty worried about her, but I have to admit a selfish part of me wanted to know how she knew my brother. I haven't posted his name on this blog before, and not even many of the people I've met on the road know it. I doubt she really knew him, but even the fact she knew his name, or was using it to lure me somewhere, really worries me, especially since she was using code which means she may be pretty far gone already. I know I talk a lot about my brother, but I really just want him to stay dead. He had to deal enough with this stuff when he was alive, I don't want his name to be brought up constantly in all this. It's bad enough he had the same name as a guy in Marble Hornets and I have to deal with that, I don't want people automatically linking him with all this anymore then they already do.
I slept on the roof of some place called Falwty Towers Tavern. I think I fell into too deep a sleep. It was hot and damp and everything smelled like it had just rained. The roof felt damp against my cheek and for the 1st time in a while I dreamed. I guess I dream every night, since they say you have to to stay alive (but so much crazy shit has happened who even knows anymore), but I never remember dreaming. I don't sleep very deeply or well, and I tend to wake up about every hour so. It was so jarring for my mind I think that it had to get accustom to it again. Everything was blurry and wobbly for a while in it, like a TV tuning into a station, but it evened out and I could see what was actually happening and remember actual events in the dream afterwards.
I was in a forest. In was damp and green and misty like a rain forest and the trees were big, and thick and old, not like the trees in the forests here which are skinny and young. Moss was everywhere. I've never been in a forest that green in real life, just the basic kind you get here. There were no sounds other then birds and the sounds forests make when they're healthy and good. I wasn't dressed like I normally am. I was wearing what I use to wear. Long coat, t-shirt, pants that weren't ripped and faded. It was weird. I felt comfortable, but I knew something was off. It felt like there was something I had to do. I walked deeper into the forest. The trees became denser around me until finally I made it to a large tree in the middle of the road. It was thicker then the others and taller, and it was blocking the path. Then suddenly everything seemed to move and the forest and the trees seemed to all talk to me in a bunch of voices that were all saying the same thing.
'Find safety in the trees.'
I was about to try to think of something to say back when I felt something touch me. The whole forest seemed to shudder and gasp and started to yell again. Everything started to go black and I felt like I was falling into something deep and dark, and I heard somebody say 'Wake up!'
And I did. On another roof top. It was still dark and I pretty much jumped off the fucking roof. Where Him had touched me on my back was still burning and it took me a good 5 minutes to get my bearings. I haven't been moved in a long time, and it's always a less then pleasant feeling. I sat there for a few minutes, then got my stuff and got going. I had thought a little bit about staying in Florida for a while, but after all that I realized I had to get back to New York. Something about that place didn't seem right to me, seemed less safe and I knew I needed to get back. I don't really know what to think about that dream. I know the forest isn't safe, it's probably the least safe place you can be (low to the ground, hard to move in, too many place to keep watch over, it breaks all the rules!). Still the forest in it didn't seem bad. And when I was moved it seemed upset. I'm not sure what it was trying to tell me, if anything, but I just feel like at this point thinking it means nothing is stupid since fucking everything seems to mean something.
I got back to the city in 1 piece and like I said slept and tried to figure out what everything meant. I'm sorry this entry really doesn't have a lesson, guys. I want to be honest about everything on this blog and not keep secrets, so not posting that I'd been across fucking state lines for the past few days just didn't sit right with me.
I also got this in my P.O. Box that day:
I see you have WiFi on your boat.